Rant... Vent... Flip Out!!!!

Since having my kids I have found that for some reason I am treated like a lesser parent. Like since I am the parent of special needs children, it is ok to judge, belittle, criticize or question me openly, because I do not deserve the same respect as other parents. Through the years I have quietly put up with a lot of nonsense from a lot of different people. I was raised to respect people, and handle situations with grace. I am starting to think people basically just view me as weak. I am not. It takes a lot of strength to keep my cool as people make dig after dig. I do not flip out. I do not blow up. Trust me, it would be easy to yell at people... what I do takes a lot of strength.

So many things have been happening lately. To be completely honest, my brain is playing Russian Roulette; indecisive of what subject to pounce on first.

First lets talk about unprofessional-ism. In my opinion it is extremely unprofessional to speak negatively of a family to whom you preform any sort of services for. Now, I am not going to say which services... which organizations... any of that. What I will say is that there is a funny thing about being me and that is that I ALWAYS find out what is being said.

Now let's talk about parenting choices. I have chosen to home school Gage. That's right... as a parent I have made a "parenting choice". Imagine that. It is mine and my husbands choice and this is what we have chosen. Our Pediatrician backs this up. Our Occupational Therapist backs this up. Our PCA backs this up. I will say this though... no one HAS to back this up. It is our choice as parents, so back your trains up.

Bo and Cote have compromised immune systems. In a nutshell this means they get sick a lot easier than most kids. Each year as they get stronger and stronger, they get sick less and less. This school year they have caught three stomach bugs and an icky cold. Bo and Cote as sicko's is an awful experience. They cry and refuse to eat (which is not an option for them) and they get very lethargic. When they get sick we have to cancel things like therapies, appointments, class, ect. We don't do it for fun, and I can guarantee we are not having a good time. It is Hell. So on that note let me just say I don't appreciate comments about their health. As innocent as your comment could be, try and remember I will hear those innocent comments from dozens of people in just the space of just a few days. It chips away at the scrap of patience I have left until I can sense I am giving the people around me "crazy eyes". To close this tiny topic I will just drop a reminder that under no circumstances should I ever be expected to justify why my kids are sick or at home.

Topic Four: Bo and Cote attend school at home because that is what we have decided to do for now. Bo and Cote's ages are three and two. At these ages would you send your kid to school? They are toddlers and should be allowed in some parts to be toddlers. Now lets throw out their Cognitive ages. Bo is ABOUT 10 months and Cote is ABOUT 4 months. Would you send your 10 and 4 month old's to school? Honestly, they deserve to be little kids as much as possible. I do not deny that they need extra educational aspects, that is why we have their teacher do home visits. As to the constant question of when they are going to attend classes at the school???? I DON'T KNOW AND I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT.

Gage's Hair- He wants to grow it out... end of story. If this is a problem for you, don't look at it.

Topic Six: Socialization aspects for the kids... it's under control.

You could never imagine what my life is like. I blog, but even in these little documents, I never give the whole story. I protect every single person in my life (besides my husband) from the full truth, because it is honestly just too much for anyone to swallow. If anyone out there thinks that the job I am doing here is not good enough, I challenge you to come here and do this for 24 hours.

I wrote this blog to maybe help people understand that I am affected by words. Whether they are to my face or behind my back... I am affected. Gage, Bo and Cote take every single ounce of sanity and patience I have, so please understand that I have none left over to deal with this sort of stuff. After my kids sap my energy, I still need to scrounge some up for running to appointments, therapies, school, cleaning house, laundry, grocery shopping, phone calls and paperwork. I have absolutely none left over for adults.

As a parent, I am going to be examined under a microscope for the rest of my life. Every decision I chose to make for my kids will always be argued and criticized and frankly it is ridiculous. I will have to make the sorts of decisions you only have nightmares about, so how about as a community you perhaps choose to support me? Support my family. Support our decisions. Love my children. Give them a chance. All I want is to know I have a community who supports me and all my kids want are playmates and hugs from grown ups. You will never find another family more open, understanding and unconditionally loving than ours.

First Step

Today I made the first step... drinking water. I hate water with everything I have. I gave up diet soda a while ago, but I still want it every day of my life. These days I drink iced tea made with splenda or crystal light or coffee or hot tea. Well, I decided that for a couple of day I am going to stick with straight water till I toughen up a bit. This whole drinking water situation makes me cranky. Cranky like a psycho.

Also, I am about to head to bed. I got all the kids down finally (which seems to be getting harder the older they get instead of easier) so I am going to be in bed before 1:00am! Yay!

I have also been trying to scour the archives of my friend Bangel's blog to dig up her tips for getting in shape from days of yore... So far, I haven't hit my jackpot.

Tomorrow will be the true test. After therapies tomorrow I will be going grocery shopping. I have been grocery shopping since December 19th (hubby has been grabbing necessities for me) so I am afraid when I walk in there tomorrow all of the carby treasures will hypnotize me! My goal is fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, yogurts, cheeses and meats.

Wish me luck!!!

New Years Resolutions?

This week one of my mother-in-law's has had multiple strokes. She is still fighting, but it has been a rude awakening for me.

I have been battling PCOS and Stress and letting them bitches win!

No More!

I am taking control. My family needs me. I need to feel healthy.

I am going to conquer.

I am not going to diet. I am going to completely change my way of living.

I am not going to be down on myself ever again.

I am going to feel beautiful.

I am going to pamper myself at home whenever I like.

I am taking CONTROL!

So, on that note...

I used to have pretty hair. Thick, wavy, kind of curly, long hair.

Not anymore.

PCOS and stress have made it fall out in handfuls. It is extremely thin on top.

It is thick still by the nape of my neck.

Right where the kiddo's like to pull...

All day long.

About ten minutes ago I exited the bathroom...

I just cut it all off by myself.

Tell me what you think...

Why Do I Blog?

I absolutely love reading blogs! You could throw just about any type of blog at me and I will love it. I love the blogs I stumble across that are full of beautiful photography, hilarious anecdotes and trendy crafts. I love sidebars full of fun links and professional page set ups.

Sadly, you will not find that here. I am not a professional writer, blogger or photographer. At this time I do absolutely nothing crafty and I can barely cook most of the time. I am terrible with technology and if not for my friend Bangel, this page wouldn't even be as cute as it is now. I do not always have the best writing skills, I definitely make a lot of typo's and I am certainly not the funniest person I know. Oh... and you will more than likely never find a tutorial of any sort here. Boo on me.

Here's what I can do...

I can stay up for days at a time and not lose my patience.

I can deal with the dozens of therapists, nurses, doctors, specialists, teachers, social workers, (ect) and not snap as they are all giving me conflicting advice, criticizing me and/or just plain old laying more stuff on my plate.

I can be bitten, pinched, slapped, gouged and have my hair pulled without making a jerking movement that would probably scare my kids.

I can sit and try for hours to get my kids to drink four ounces of liquid.

I can sleep upright in a chair when someone is sick, so I can make sure their airway isn't cut off.

I can deal with people staring, or better yet trying desperately to pretend we aren't near them, without punching them in the face.

I can brush off the dozens of birthday and play date invites we DO NOT receive.

I can advocate all day and all night for my children and other people/children with special needs, even if the outcome means I am no longer in contact with a family member.

So... why do I blog? This is why I blog.

I can lend an understanding ear to anyone who is rowing the same boat as me.

I can lend an understanding ear to basically anyone at this point.

Regular Moms Versus Special Needs Moms

Lately I have been feeling one enormous case of burnout. My whole body aches every day. My hair is falling out. I have a constant headache. I am cranky. My skin looks ashy. I just get chubbier by the day. I am completely wiped out.... all the time.

I have what our pediatrician warned me about. "Special Needs Mom Body Breakdown".

And I am a little whiney about it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a big whiner, so I decided to do a google search. I typed in "special needs moms, extreme stress", and clicked on the first item. It happened to be an article named "Regular moms versus special needs moms". I was instantly a little irritated.

As a special needs mom, I don't want there to be some sort of battle between myself and other moms about crap like "who has it worse". It is sort of like the infamous battles between "stay at home moms" and "working mothers" or "breast-fed" and "formula-fed"... I don't want to be having a throw down with anyone... because I really just don't have much fight left in me... not for that anyway. I need to save up my battle juice for other, more important things... like life.

Well my curiosity got the best of me and I superficially started perusing the article.

Then the tears came.

I am not a big crier anymore. I save those emotions for other, more important things... like life.

But the tears did come.

I would like to throw a few of the statements on here to share, and ultimately to save. I do not think that anyone's life is perfect, and I do not think mine is awful. I do not want to offend anyone, nor do I want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am posting a few of the statements on here, because sometimes it feels good to have a reminder to look back on, that I am not alone. That there are other people out there that are doing what I am doing and that these worries are not only mine.


Article Link:
http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_regular_vs_special.html


Regular moms worry about fat and sugar in their children's diets.
Special needs moms worry about gluten, casein, oxalates and have a working knowledge of (FDA approved) food additives.
--Anonymous

Regular dads spend a week teaching their sons to pee in the potty and maybe a month teaching them to poop.
Special needs dads keep trying, sometimes for several years.
--From Michael

Regular moms look forward to an "empty nest."
Special needs moms wonder who will take care of their kids after they're gone.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms have the numbers of their friends programmed into their cell phones.
Special needs moms have the numbers of their child's specialists programmed in theirs.
--From Kate

Regular moms try to cope and accept their child's imperfections.
Special needs moms whose children are labeled imperfect or defective, nurture them to the full beautiful gifts that they are.
--From Jannine

Regular moms’ kids are mildly afraid of the dentist.
Special needs moms’ kids are so terrified, 9 out of 10 dentists will ask them not to come back.
From Judy

Regular moms sign their kids up for all kinds of extra-curricular activities.
Special needs moms hope their local park district will accept their child for an activity.
--From Angela

Regular moms think inclusion means an all inclusive vacation.
Special needs moms fight for their child's inclusion at school, workplace and the community.
--From Dawn

Regular moms are called mom by their kids.
Special needs moms are called "mom" by their child's doctors, nurses, hippotherapy volunteers and therapy office receptionists as in, "Mom, can you restrain junior for a minute?"
--From Petra

Regular moms get annoyed when their child won't stop talking.
Special needs moms would do anything to hear their child utter one word, 'Mom'.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms cringe when their daughter misses a step or gets confused during a ballet recital.
Special needs moms cry special tears as their child painstakingly holds up one foot while leaning on a chair and says, “Look, mommy, I’m doing ballet.”
--From Kimberly

Regular moms rely on children's vitamins and common cold medicines to meet their kids health needs.
Special needs moms are busy being medical detectives using medicines and supplements a pharmacist can barely pronounce.
--From Melanie

Regular moms send Christmas cards to their friends and family.
Special needs moms send Christmas cards to friends, family AND the medical team and specialists that helps take care of their child.
--From Kate

Regular moms show up to their kids' activities and watch from the sidelines.
Special needs moms get to work prompting and herding their child in each activity.
--From Ann

Regular moms think OT stands for over time.
Special needs moms hear OT and think occupational therapy.
--From Angela

Regular moms love it when relatives wear out their children with play, thinking they'll sleep well that night.
Special needs moms weigh the choices: Allow rough-housing that will keep their child up all night and set back their behavior issues or disappoint well-meaning relatives who don't understand your child's disability.
--From Steph

Regular moms worry about their child being picked on in school.
Special needs moms know their child will be discriminated against for their entire lives.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms tell their child to get dressed.
Special needs moms have to dress their child multiple times before leaving.
--From Angie

Regular moms fight with their child to pick which clothes to wear.
Special needs moms fight with their child to try to keep any clothes on all day.
--From Angie

Regular moms are on a first name basis with other moms in their neighborhood.
Special needs moms are on a first name basis with their child's pediatrician, neurosurgeon, gastroenterologist and other specialists.
--From Kate

Regular moms bring their kids to the doctor without any advance preparation.
Special needs moms have prepped their child all week with books and practice getting a shot. They come in armed with favorite CDs and children’s books and it’s still a traumatic experience for both child and mom.
From Judy

Regular moms forward funny mom e-mails to each other.
Special needs moms can only send this list to other special needs moms--regular moms would be offended if we suggest they don't understand what we deal with everyday.
--Anonymous

Regular moms say, "I wish my child would stop growing!"
Special needs moms pray every night their failure to thrive child grows.
--From Gaynell

Regular moms hunt for the best clothes bargains and trendy styles.
Special needs moms hunt for that one manufacturer who makes clothes that fit our child's fine motor or sensory needs.
--Anonymous

Regular moms worry about spoiling their kids with too many toys.
Special needs moms will buy half the store if there's a chance something will get their child playing instead of stimming.
--Petra

Regular moms' stress levels raise from a 3 to a 10 if their child needs stitches or tubes in their ears.
Special needs moms' daily stress levels are already at an 8 so stitches or tubes in ears can actually be a step down from the day to day stresses.
--From Kate

Regular moms look forward to their children going off to college.
Special needs moms do not look forward to deciding whether or not to put their children in state run homes when they become adults.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms know their child will eventually pick up reading in their own way.
Special needs moms must tackle reading skills with a sense of urgency and with all the research resources they can muster.
--From Jeri

Regular moms think PT means part-time.
Special needs moms hear PT and think physical therapy.
--Dawn

Regular moms sit and chat with other moms while their kids play in the park.
Special needs moms may go to the park with their child but rarely get to sit and chat.
--From Steph

Regular moms try to get their child toilet trained by preschool.
Special needs moms try to get their child toilet trained by high school.
--From Nancy

Regular moms agonize with their child if he or she doesn’t make the elite soccer team.
Special needs moms would cry tears of joy to see their child play soccer, just once.
--From Kimberly

Regular moms’ kids have a teacher.
Special needs moms’ kids have a team.

Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.
Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.

Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind.
Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.

There were more but I just pasted the ones that pertained to me. If I had written this article I don't think I would have said "Regular Moms" maybe "Other Moms" or "Fellow Moms" but that's me. Also, some of the things that were said make it seem like "Regular Moms" have it so good... that's not always the case. Remember you can never judge a book by it's cover, and never assume what someones life is like. These all hit home for me though, so I am going to keep them. Maybe tomorrow when I am having a tough moment, I can refer back to this blog... and the next day, and the next day.

I love my children, I love my life, but never forget that although I may have a big smile for you, my brain is going a mile a minute... and this is usually the types of things occupying it.