Spring Fever

So.... here I am stuck inside and it is a bee-you-tee-fullll day outside! Babies are sick sick sick... bit I know it is for the greater good. I am thinking I may sneak them outside a little later for a little fresh air. It will probably do them some good, and lord knows, we need some good in this house.

The Man and I have made a decision to keep the TV turned off during the day. Our family needs to do more activities that dont revolve around the living room. Now that its almost summer, we hope to GET OUT OF HERE!!!! Yay!!!!

Found out that we will more than likely need to bring Monkey and Foo to their therapies at the clinic... they will not come here unless they have an immune disorder, so we are on the daycare hunt. Nothing worse for me. Daycare makes me uncomfortable, but I figure that I should be able to find a halfway decent one here and its really only for an hour or two at a time.

Starting to miss Missouri, loving the big Minnesota, considering moving to Louisianna. We know that our family it going to need alot of things to thrive and we are unsure as to if we can make enough money up here. Time will tell.

Moose is good, but needing social interaction, Monkey is good but needing a chill pill and Foo is good but needing some energy. Life is pretty ok. For today.

Seamonkeys

Yes, you heard me correctly. Seamonkeys. We got them. We hatched them. We fed them. Now we are watching the itty bitty creepy things go. No litter boxes and no potty breaks outside so I guess I dont really have a whole hell of alot that I should be complaining about. Well I am going to complain. Where on earth does a person put a tiny mini tank of Seamonkeys? Right now I have it on the kitchen counter, but Moose has already gotten ahold of it and dumped a fourth of it out. Also, the joy of these cheapie little creatures is that you actually need more equipment for their upkeep. Equipment the manufacturer has conveniently left out of the kit. Of course the manufacturer has left planty of information about where you can order all the stuff you are going to need to help keep these brand new pets thriving.

Seamonkeys.

I have to say though, that I find myself stopping to squint into thier tank about 22 times a day. I am fascinated and I honestly find the challenge of just SEEING them enthralling. I can't wait for them to continue growing... and I am actually planning on ordering the rest of the things we will need for our new pets. I cant help it. I guess it may be the enormous geek coming out in me.

Seamonkeys.

I have been wanting to get these for a heck of a long time.

The Fear of the Unknown.

I hate not knowing what the future holds for my family. I struggle everyday with this, even though I know I am so completely ridiculous. I have so many fears and insecurities. The biggest one on my list is the open question as to if Monkey and Foo will ever be able to walk and will they ever be able to have even partial independence? The hardest part of having children with special needs is knowing that as a mortal being, I will not be able to take care of them forever. There will come a day when I will be gone and I need to know that they will be OK. These are the sorts of things that I think about. I wish I could be the woman whose biggest worries are who has to fill the gas tank on the car this time or winning the battle with the family on what we are watching on the boob tube. Sometimes I honestly get so angry when I hear about the petty things that people complain about, but then I have to remember that I would never wish my trials on another. I never would wish that another mother would have to watch as her precious babies are covered from thier ankles to thier scalp in track marks. I never would want someone else to have to hear that thier children may never walk... may never crawl... may never talk.

I also know that I am incredibly lucky. My life could be much harder, and I know there are many out there that deal with much worse. I am loved and my children are loved and my lover is loved. We all love each other and we will always be there for each other.

I still would like to peek into the future though. I just want to know. I worry about my Moose and how he will come through. Having two siblings is alot for any child, let alone two siblings with special needs. He has his own mountains to climb, and while he does it, he will be dragging a wagon with two babies inside. He is a great child, one of the best really. Sometimes I dont give him credit on his greatness. I have alot of dreams for this three year old, my biggest being that he dream big.

Man I wish I could see the future.

Each day I send my hopes and dreams out to the clouds and the tree's and even the snow in hopes that I will be heard. I can't see the future but I do keep reminding myself that I can mold my own future. I can continue in school, send The Man off to college, get the babies their therapy and practice with them at home and get as involved in the school system as I possibly can.

I must say that I do still fear the unknown.

When I Sleep, I Dream.

When I sleep

I dream of times of slumber

of careless banter

of carefree dancing.

I dream that butterflies are green

and pink birds sing.

I dream that forever really is forever

monsters are real

and so are we

I dream that butterfly kisses

can heal a wound

and the worst pain we will ever feel

is that of a baby's coo.

The sky is purple

and the air is warm

the breath of the angels

lulls my children to sleep.

I watch them

and know

that there is something great

that protects them

caresses them.

My children will do great things

and for this I perservere

and remain as childlike

as the angels will allow.

Five Children or Burr Family of Five?

So The Man and I were talking no too long ago about how I had always wanted five children. For some reason, in my head, five was always the perfect number. I am still not able to recollect why I chose the number five, but five was sublime. I look at my life now and I have no idea how on earth I could fit 2 more children in. I have three and there are nights when I am laying in bed wondering if I loved each one enough. Did I kiss and hug them enough? Did I spend enough "one on one" time with each one? Did I smile enough? Did we dance and sing enough? Did everyone get the amount of attention to satisfy? I think anytime a family has more than one child these questions arise, and as more and more children are added to the equation, the answers become much more dire.

So here I am, surrounded by babies and bottles and therapy and preschool activities and poopie cloth diapers and laundry and pull-ups and soiled clothing and meals and I know that the best five for me is The Burr Family of Five.

Germs are the Devil.

So it look's like the babies are getting sick. We have no time for this. Sound's dramatic I know, but we truly have no time. There is no room in our life right now for error or extra's and sickness definitely falls into both of those categories. I am not the kind of mom who can blow off sickess like it is nothing. I turn into a full-fledged psycho, a panicked maniac. I fight the urge to bring them into the ER at every sniffle. I never know if I am underreacting or overreacting. This winter all the kids ended up coming down with RSV and sadly I waited till the last second. By the time I brought them in, poor little Foo needed to be on nebulizer treatments, antibiotics and liquid steroids. This incident has confirmed my sickness anxiety.

Magic 8 Ball... give me a sign.

So The Man and I are in the midst of doing a frantic future plan out. We are both struggling with what on earth we are going to be doing in about 2 years from now. I am of course in the middle of going to college for Medical Transcription. Yahoo, right? No. Now they are saying that the brunt of the medical systems will be going either, A. Electronic or B. Outsourcing overseas. Oh well. At this point I am going to continue on this journey and hope for the best. In the past I have also been interested in Photography and producing organic prodects (food and beauty), so if I have to maybe I will end up going that route.

The Man is considering going into Massage Therapy. He has been throwing this idea around back and forth and he is actually going in to talk to someone at the school today. When I think of The Man going to school for Massage Therapy, I allow myself a little inward chuckle. Here is this ex-Army soldier/Diesel Mechanic/32 year old fan of all things hunting and he will possibly be going to school with kids with purple hair. I love it. It doesnt seem to bother him though. That's one of the ways I know I picked a winner. My ex-Army soldier/Diesel Mechanic/32 year old fan of all things hunting thinks outside of the box.

Then it is the very complex decision of deciding where to move. Ideally we would stay where we are, but with our family things seldom work out to our ideals. We at this point are throwing around different possiblities ranging from Washington all the way to South Carolina. It is hard because as much as we would like to stay by our extended families, our mini family comes first.

Picking out somewhere to live isnt the easiest for us. There are so many different things that need to be taken into consideration... many that most people dont think of.

Will they offer employment for Both The Man and myself? In my case will they be willing to let me work from home?

How is the school system? How is thier services for children with Developmental Delays?

How is the Medical System in the area? How far of a commute is it to the different specialists offices?

How is the real estate prices? With the amount of money we have to spend on medical related expenses, we have to be sure to no over-extend financially on our house payment.

How large is the community? We would prefer a smaller area with a short commute to a larger one.

These are just a few of the things we have to consider. It all has a tendency to be overwhelming and only time will tell us what out future holds. I must admit though, sometimes I would love to be able to fastforward for just a few short minutes, just to have a little peek. I know that there are many bad things that could come of this, but I would still enjoy it nonetheless!

Hysteria, Clawing and Blowing some Bubbles.

A three year old, a one year old and a seven month old. What the hell sort of day can a woman like I possibly have? Laughter rolls around in my head as I think of this question. My day is a crazy day... a day full of miscellaneous anxiety attacks and laughter breakouts! Sometimes I will look at the clock and 5 minutes has slowly crept by and sometimes it has been a good 2 hours. Most days are full of trying to bring Moose down from his hysteria. That poor child ended up inheriting his mothers flair for the dramatics. "Moose! Time out till you settle down!" (This is where a certain 3 year old will start crying, screeching and ultimately throw himself into the walls on the way to his room). Then there is the clawing which of course comes from the angelic faced Monkey. This little blonde ball of mean will claw anything he can get his little shark nails on... worst one being the back of the ear. What am I gonna do though? For real? He is so cute and kissable that all I can do is kiss him and try to do a scolding. Fail for mommy.

Bubbles. Neither of the boys ever blew bubbles. Neither of the boys ever spit or talked a blue streak at 7 months. Thats where the Princess Foo comes in. She giggles and makes incredible faces and blows bubbles and actually spits! She is our little mini firecracker, and I am sad to say, more than likely going to be the bully of the three.

Every night I go to bed excited for a little break, but sad that another day has passed. I love my children and hope one day they will all know how much I enjoy them, even when they are little monsters :)

Hypotonia... Mr. Goodbars... Diet Mountain Dew...

This is how much of August 2008 through March 2009 was spent. Obsessing about Hypotonia, eating dozens of Mr. Goodbars and guzzling Diet Mountain Dew. "What did it help?" you ask. "Did it solve anything?" you ask. Hell yes it did! I learned more about Hypotonia than most doctors, became even more addicted to caffiene and threw on about an extra 50 or so pounds. I tell ya what, those months were some pretty tough months. I would have never made it through without the word "Hypotonia", Mr. Goodbars and Diet Mountain Dew.

Out of the Army Now.

We are out! The Man is out! Our family is out! We are now in East Grand Forks and happier than ever! The Man made it home from his deployment on Christmas Eve 2009... and we have been enjoying our family ever since.

Alot has happened these last few months.

November 30th, 2009- Mom, Moose, Monkey, Foo and I all piled into the van and roadtripped back to Missouri. Mom helped us all get settled in until she skooted back to MN on December 15th.

December 24th, 2009- Our second Deployment came to a halt! One of the happiest moments in my entire life by far. I was able to watch The Man enter the gym... and therefore was able to chase him down easier when they were released from formation. The sight of him holding Moose and Monkey and meeting Foo was priceless.

December 28th, 2009- My fears about Foo were comfirmed. At this doctor appointment she was diagnosed with Hypotonia.

January 1st, 2010- First day of the rest of our lives.

January 23rd, 2010- After 4 long long years of stress... my fears for my child disolved. This is the day the adoption went through. The day The Man's and my dreams came true. The day we technically became "The Burr Family of Five".

February 8th, 2010- The Man began terminal leave and we left Missouri.

February 9th, 2010- We became Minnesotans again!

February 14th, 2010- My husband surprised me with a card and a dozen roses.... thus reminding me he knows the art of Romance.

March 7th, 2010- The Man is officially "Out of the Army"!

And then there is today... March 15th, 2010. There really is not anything that makes today significant besides the simple fact that I love my family just as much today as I did yesterday.