Tae Bow Perhaps?

So, I was talking to someone recently and she commented on my ability to keep an optomistic attitude about my life. I can "keep taking hits" and am still able to keep going without being a Piss Pot Pete.

I have thought of these words today and this is the best I can answer this.

I have moments where I turn into a mushball and need a hug. I dont give a reason I just hug one of my peoples. I kiss and love on my babies and husband all day long. Secret is that it is just as much for me as it is for them. I sometimes take an extra shower so I can sit in the bottom and get my cry on. I text message my best friend all day long.

I am big on sharing. I have learned to not hold back. I feel as people we learn from each other. We grow from learning about the lives of others and we take life lessons from people daily. I will talk anatomy to physiology to emotions... anything you want to talk about, I am game for.

Unless it is my deepest emotions. Those not even I can process. I let these fester till I implode... as you can see from a couple of my earlier posts. I am a human being and sometimes I need to crumble too.

For the most part though I think of life this way... If I give up, what then? WHat will happen to each of my children? What will their lives be like? If I let myself fall into this deep depression, how will they cope? If I start bitching all day long, will they be able to process it? Children are little sponges... no matter what. They know your emotions... they can feel your emotions. They feel love and they feel sorrow and they feel anger. They dont just know it because you have spoken it, they feel it radiating off of you. SO, if I walk around being an emotional wreck, I am pretty sure that they are the ones who will be paying the toll.

So this is why or how I dont let lifes punches get me down. I CHOOSE to live life as positively as I can. This doesnt mean I dont have moments or days, but I know that with mind power I can pull my ass out of it.

I have my little protective bubble of people I can let my hair down with if I need, but mostly I keep my ducks in a row for my kids :)

Sheera... Queen of East Grand Forks!

I come swooping through the city on my sweet tan, granny van. I speed race through twisting streets and over tall bridges. I watch the traffic lights with animated fervor and glare at the clock with anticipation.

I am about to make everyone late for Therapy.

This is the story of my life these days. I skid into the Rehabilitaion Center each day by the skin of my teeth... and a glare from the check in clerk's eye.

They know I am late too.

So here is my actual update of the day. Moose had his Physical Therapy Evaluation today and he did flippin awesome! It looks like he is right where he is supposed to be so come time for Headstart he will just SOOOAAARRR!

I think I just pee'd a little.

Monkey is trying desperatly to crawl. He wants to so badly and he wants to get his hands (or teeth) on Moose. When Monkey gets mobile this household is going to reach a whole new level of insane.

Foo is working on babbling some more. It is starting to sound like she is saying Mama (fingers crossed). I hope she is. Now it's just to work on teaching her to say "Mommy Beautiful".

As for me, well I am a little pooped. The weather is helping though... I hate the snow. The Man has been letting me sneak away for naps too. My doctor called the other day to ask me about the pain... and I told him I am managing. I wasn't lying either, I truly am managing. I am so busy with things that I just ignore the pain basically and keep going. In the evenings I take a hot bath and that helps also. With time I know that I will conquer this.

So thats it for updates for this particular moment. I dont think Moose is going to need any therapy services, although June will tell us more. And I truly think I need help in the Time Management area.

Lavender Fields

This Blog has nothing to do with Lavender Fields. I kind of just enjoy messing with you a bit. It actually has to do with crashing waves, calming water sounds, sun and freedom.

AKA the Lake Cabin.

After much deliberation between the Man and I, we have decided that the kids and I will be going to the lake on Thursday afternoons through Sunday afternoons this summer. The kids need some summer freedom after a grueling week of therapy and mommy needs a place the just veg out. The Man will use this time to work on his monster truck, but will be coming with us on an occasional weekend.

I am excited but a little sad at the same time. I hate that we will be aprt so much, but this may be our last summer of this much freedom. Starting this Fall, the therapy department would like to put Monkey on and Extensive Therapy Program. This means he will be doing therapy at the hospital AT LEAST 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. He will recieve ADDITIONAL services through the school system. Our lives will be becoming a whole lot more interesting.

We might as well take advantage of this summer.

At the lake, we will have limited phone and internet, unless we decide otherwise.

This should be even more interesting, lol.

Fresh Air

This was a good weekend. Actually, this was one of those awesome weekends you want to never end. This weekend ended too fast. I dont know if it was the fresh air or the wide open fields... lack of traffic or just the fact I was close to my mom, but this was a great weekend. Not much was different from my day to day; I worked my rear off to help my mom get ready for the party, and chase Moose, and take care of babies... but there is something so stress free about being in the country. It's like all the things that drive you carzy are erased one you are surrounded by towering pines.

I was able to see so much family that I havent seen in a year. Foo was introduced grandly and she wrapped them all around her little princess finger. Monkey amazed all with how far he had come this year and Moose won them all over with his laugh. I loved this weekend and I did not want it to end. I was able to see a certain cousin who has been on my mind alot this year. She has her own batch of stuggles and I send good thoughts out for her every day. She is doing better than I expected but not as well as I have hoped. She will prevail though, I have faith.

Also, The Man and I have been discussing the Summer events. All three kids have Summer Birthdays, our Anniversary, Baptism, plus all the great holidays and multiple Bdays and Anniversarys. Planning, planning, planning.... never ending. I have faith that today is going to help me get started in the direction I need to be going. Yay!

Help.

Lately I have been wondering a lot about my life. At what point was it that I lost so much trust in Everyone? Anyone? Three years ago I was hurt so immensely, so entirely, that I think the part of me that will allow me to have an open heart was destroyed. I have always been so irritated by people that have a wall up against the ones around them... now I know I am queen to that world.

A little over three years ago, back home, what I experienced was a little like the Salem Witch Trials. That's what it felt like to me anyways. I was put up to judgement from all the people around me. I was lied about, scorned in public, publicly humiliated. The people around me were turned against me one by one till I was to the point that I didnt want to leave my home. I didnt answer the phone, I wouldn't see visitors... I wanted to be left alone. These people ruined my heart for a long time, and to this day I am still working out trust issues. Hell, the aftermath from this time is still occuring and will probably do so till the day I die.

I could go into details. I could go into so many details that the typing would start melting off of the computer screen. Yes it was that bad. Because of that I will not go into details. I try to remember that time as just being ugly and no remember every ugly detail.

Since that time, I had begun to mend. I had worked out my trust issues a bit and was walking a much happier path. Until last Summer. I was blasted again from a very unlikely source, a source so close to home a person would never expect it. I was blasted by family. Not my family, but family nonetheless. I was pregnant, The Man was deployed, Monkey had started therapy, my life was crumbling... and I got blasted.

I was blasted by the latest Deployment...

I was blasted by Hypotonia...

I was blasted by life in general...

Recently I was blasted by family again.

What causes a person to lie? To destroy happiness? Where does deceit come from?

I have hit the "piss or get off the pot" point with this situation. I need to figure out how to mend myself and get it done. I need true happiness and I need to be able to open up to those people in my life that I love. I have started with trying to reserve a little blotch of time everyday just for me... and I hope to get to start walking soon. I am putting this out there so receive advice from the people around me. I know I am not the only person on this earth that struggles with trust issues and I welcome help.

Another Germ

Too much is going on in my home. Too much stress. Foo has been sick since she got RSV this last winter, I swear. That baby cannot catch a break. Monkey has had a fever off and on since Monday. We are rotating the Tylenol and the Motrin but he absolutely doesn not want to eat. Every feeding is a complete battle and The Man and I are losing. Moose is feeling the effects of all the baby drama and wants kisses and hugs about every ten minutes.

I am officially fried.

Looks like I am only taking one class this summer and that is F-I-N-E by me! It is a condensed course so I am not looking forward to it. The Man starts school in June too... so we are going to be so crazy busy... I am actually slightly not looking forward to it. Uff...

But thats all I am actually in the mood to write at this time. I will attempt to get on here tomorrow... no promises though ;)