Autumn Ambience

Suckers. You read the title to this blog, and figured I would be cooing about my love of Fall. Fawning over the colors and the weather change. Nope. I am not even going to mention it :) This blog is directed at a tiny glimpse of what Fall means to my family.

Fall means insanity. Mornings start with flying around trying to get all three kids ready for the day. Gage has been up since 4:30 am so by 6:30 he is wide awake and spiraling out of control. Bo and Cote need to be fed, cleaned up and dressed. And we fight through the whole process. Which means Gage, Bo and Cote against Mommy. Fighting eating, fighting clean up, fighting dressing, fighting braces, fighting carseat buckles. It's a fight every day. Next year is going to be a bigger fight. The year after even bigger. The year after that even bigger. Every year I will need to become stronger and tougher.

Fall means insecurity. IEP and IFSP evaluations through the school system, evaluations through the therapy department, waiting for outcomes... Nothing can make a parent more insecure than when you are waiting to find out what sort of educational or therapy-type help your child will qualify for.

Fall means "thicker skin". My days are filled with phone calls, meetings, therapies, paperwork, appointments, evaluations and classes pertaining to my childrens' special needs. As parents we always want to boast about all of our childrens' awesome achievements and all of the wonderful things they do and enjoy. That is not the case in my day to day. The things I have to discuss day in and day out are all of the things my kids cannot do. All of the things that are "wrong". It is heart crushing. It is oxygen stealing. It hurts. I hit a point where I have to take a step back and remember that Gage tells me I am his sweetheart a thousand times a day; that Bo now grunts when he wants a hug.... and they are some of the best ones ever; that Cote will work herself into exhaustion just to mess up the hairdo I created. I have to actually step back and remember that my children are people.... but the thicker skin has to come out quite a bit as well...

Fall means appreciation. Appreciating my husband, who appreciates me. He isn't the kind of man who gets whiney because he isn't getting attention... He knows. He understands. He actually co-parents. Appreciating the people in our lives who show thier patience on a daily basis. The ones who help me with the kids, the ones who help me clean, the ones who help with my shopping or home repairs or organization, yard work, cooking, moral support, ect. I APPRECIATE YOU.

Fall means Halloween. Awesome costumes that I get to obsess about :) Gage's complete delight at the entire ordeal. My awesomness shining through as I get them all dressed. The realization that I can't bring the kids to any carnivals because they are not handicap accessible. Knowing Bo and Cote can't eat the candy. The stares. Trying to help Gage keep control as he goes into sensory overload because of the lights and people and excitement and cars. Sitting on the livingroom floor with the kids as I break Reese's Peanut Butter Cups into tiny pieces and shove them into Bo and Cote's mouths because, by damned they are going to have some sugar-rush action. Negotiating with Gage about exactly how much he can have. I try not to lose.

Fall means running. Not for sport. Not for fitness. For anyone who says "jump". Everyone owns a little piece of my family, and sometimes I feel like we lost our stock along the way. I feel like a kid myself with no control over my own family as everyone lets me know what I need to be doing or what they need me to be doing or what I should be doing or what I need to get ready to be doing. Get this done, make an appointment for that, get that done and do the paperwork for this.

I will not lie; this is a hard life on many different levels. I must add though that I was made for it. There is a reason that this is my life; that I was given these three children with special needs, unique personalities and cold hands. We are the Burr Family of Five and so proud. If you see us this Fall, stop us for a hello, a hug and/or a playdate request. We Burr's may be busy, but we are always open to Fall Fun :)