Regular Moms Versus Special Needs Moms

Lately I have been feeling one enormous case of burnout. My whole body aches every day. My hair is falling out. I have a constant headache. I am cranky. My skin looks ashy. I just get chubbier by the day. I am completely wiped out.... all the time.

I have what our pediatrician warned me about. "Special Needs Mom Body Breakdown".

And I am a little whiney about it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a big whiner, so I decided to do a google search. I typed in "special needs moms, extreme stress", and clicked on the first item. It happened to be an article named "Regular moms versus special needs moms". I was instantly a little irritated.

As a special needs mom, I don't want there to be some sort of battle between myself and other moms about crap like "who has it worse". It is sort of like the infamous battles between "stay at home moms" and "working mothers" or "breast-fed" and "formula-fed"... I don't want to be having a throw down with anyone... because I really just don't have much fight left in me... not for that anyway. I need to save up my battle juice for other, more important things... like life.

Well my curiosity got the best of me and I superficially started perusing the article.

Then the tears came.

I am not a big crier anymore. I save those emotions for other, more important things... like life.

But the tears did come.

I would like to throw a few of the statements on here to share, and ultimately to save. I do not think that anyone's life is perfect, and I do not think mine is awful. I do not want to offend anyone, nor do I want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am posting a few of the statements on here, because sometimes it feels good to have a reminder to look back on, that I am not alone. That there are other people out there that are doing what I am doing and that these worries are not only mine.


Article Link:
http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_regular_vs_special.html


Regular moms worry about fat and sugar in their children's diets.
Special needs moms worry about gluten, casein, oxalates and have a working knowledge of (FDA approved) food additives.
--Anonymous

Regular dads spend a week teaching their sons to pee in the potty and maybe a month teaching them to poop.
Special needs dads keep trying, sometimes for several years.
--From Michael

Regular moms look forward to an "empty nest."
Special needs moms wonder who will take care of their kids after they're gone.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms have the numbers of their friends programmed into their cell phones.
Special needs moms have the numbers of their child's specialists programmed in theirs.
--From Kate

Regular moms try to cope and accept their child's imperfections.
Special needs moms whose children are labeled imperfect or defective, nurture them to the full beautiful gifts that they are.
--From Jannine

Regular moms’ kids are mildly afraid of the dentist.
Special needs moms’ kids are so terrified, 9 out of 10 dentists will ask them not to come back.
From Judy

Regular moms sign their kids up for all kinds of extra-curricular activities.
Special needs moms hope their local park district will accept their child for an activity.
--From Angela

Regular moms think inclusion means an all inclusive vacation.
Special needs moms fight for their child's inclusion at school, workplace and the community.
--From Dawn

Regular moms are called mom by their kids.
Special needs moms are called "mom" by their child's doctors, nurses, hippotherapy volunteers and therapy office receptionists as in, "Mom, can you restrain junior for a minute?"
--From Petra

Regular moms get annoyed when their child won't stop talking.
Special needs moms would do anything to hear their child utter one word, 'Mom'.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms cringe when their daughter misses a step or gets confused during a ballet recital.
Special needs moms cry special tears as their child painstakingly holds up one foot while leaning on a chair and says, “Look, mommy, I’m doing ballet.”
--From Kimberly

Regular moms rely on children's vitamins and common cold medicines to meet their kids health needs.
Special needs moms are busy being medical detectives using medicines and supplements a pharmacist can barely pronounce.
--From Melanie

Regular moms send Christmas cards to their friends and family.
Special needs moms send Christmas cards to friends, family AND the medical team and specialists that helps take care of their child.
--From Kate

Regular moms show up to their kids' activities and watch from the sidelines.
Special needs moms get to work prompting and herding their child in each activity.
--From Ann

Regular moms think OT stands for over time.
Special needs moms hear OT and think occupational therapy.
--From Angela

Regular moms love it when relatives wear out their children with play, thinking they'll sleep well that night.
Special needs moms weigh the choices: Allow rough-housing that will keep their child up all night and set back their behavior issues or disappoint well-meaning relatives who don't understand your child's disability.
--From Steph

Regular moms worry about their child being picked on in school.
Special needs moms know their child will be discriminated against for their entire lives.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms tell their child to get dressed.
Special needs moms have to dress their child multiple times before leaving.
--From Angie

Regular moms fight with their child to pick which clothes to wear.
Special needs moms fight with their child to try to keep any clothes on all day.
--From Angie

Regular moms are on a first name basis with other moms in their neighborhood.
Special needs moms are on a first name basis with their child's pediatrician, neurosurgeon, gastroenterologist and other specialists.
--From Kate

Regular moms bring their kids to the doctor without any advance preparation.
Special needs moms have prepped their child all week with books and practice getting a shot. They come in armed with favorite CDs and children’s books and it’s still a traumatic experience for both child and mom.
From Judy

Regular moms forward funny mom e-mails to each other.
Special needs moms can only send this list to other special needs moms--regular moms would be offended if we suggest they don't understand what we deal with everyday.
--Anonymous

Regular moms say, "I wish my child would stop growing!"
Special needs moms pray every night their failure to thrive child grows.
--From Gaynell

Regular moms hunt for the best clothes bargains and trendy styles.
Special needs moms hunt for that one manufacturer who makes clothes that fit our child's fine motor or sensory needs.
--Anonymous

Regular moms worry about spoiling their kids with too many toys.
Special needs moms will buy half the store if there's a chance something will get their child playing instead of stimming.
--Petra

Regular moms' stress levels raise from a 3 to a 10 if their child needs stitches or tubes in their ears.
Special needs moms' daily stress levels are already at an 8 so stitches or tubes in ears can actually be a step down from the day to day stresses.
--From Kate

Regular moms look forward to their children going off to college.
Special needs moms do not look forward to deciding whether or not to put their children in state run homes when they become adults.
--From Elizabeth

Regular moms know their child will eventually pick up reading in their own way.
Special needs moms must tackle reading skills with a sense of urgency and with all the research resources they can muster.
--From Jeri

Regular moms think PT means part-time.
Special needs moms hear PT and think physical therapy.
--Dawn

Regular moms sit and chat with other moms while their kids play in the park.
Special needs moms may go to the park with their child but rarely get to sit and chat.
--From Steph

Regular moms try to get their child toilet trained by preschool.
Special needs moms try to get their child toilet trained by high school.
--From Nancy

Regular moms agonize with their child if he or she doesn’t make the elite soccer team.
Special needs moms would cry tears of joy to see their child play soccer, just once.
--From Kimberly

Regular moms’ kids have a teacher.
Special needs moms’ kids have a team.

Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.
Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.

Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind.
Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.

There were more but I just pasted the ones that pertained to me. If I had written this article I don't think I would have said "Regular Moms" maybe "Other Moms" or "Fellow Moms" but that's me. Also, some of the things that were said make it seem like "Regular Moms" have it so good... that's not always the case. Remember you can never judge a book by it's cover, and never assume what someones life is like. These all hit home for me though, so I am going to keep them. Maybe tomorrow when I am having a tough moment, I can refer back to this blog... and the next day, and the next day.

I love my children, I love my life, but never forget that although I may have a big smile for you, my brain is going a mile a minute... and this is usually the types of things occupying it.