That is what time my computer says it is, and because it just seemed peculiar at the moment, that is what I decided I wanted to name this entry.
While in town today, I ran as many errands as I could think of and as I ran them, I thought of more I should be running. I think that I am actually giving MYSELF anxiety. Sure I have a lot of stuff going on all of the time, but really... I was holding my to-do list together until I started reminding myself of everything I need to be doing. Do any of us really NEED to accomplish the work of ten women all in one day? No wonder I am driving myself crazy, lol.
Also, I was thinking about my statement about a support system. I don't really know if the one I have is really all that lacking. I am perhaps not giving myself or the people in my everyday life the credit that is deserved. Not only that, but I think I get so utterly stressed that I desire to be wrapped up in a tight little cocoon of security, and that is just not realistic. Not only that, but the people in my life have lives of their own. I don't know if I subconsciously think the people in my life have super-human strength or what, lol.
I have a tendency to get over-stressed a few times a year. Evidently the last week of May is just going to be a doozy for me. I know there is a lot on my plate and sometimes I put a helping of "pie" on top of my "meatloaf", but who else is going to do it, ya know? Many people remark on how strong I am, but in my opinion I am just like anyone else. I try to be open with my weaknesses to everyone can see that I am made just like everyone else. I get over-stressed and anxiety-ridden. At these times I become full of self-doubt, anger and insecurity. I am a person, like you, and sometimes I cry when I have hit a point when I have had enough.
Here is something to chew on though, I am not going to hide it when I have had enough. I am going to try and be as open as I can because I know there are people out there that need to know it's OK to not be strong ALL of the time. It is OK as a parent to struggle sometimes, and it is OK to seek out the people around you. Being a parent is not easy. You have to have patience, stamina and a heart full of humor and love. If someone ever tells you that parenting is easy, they are possibly lying to themselves. Being a Special Needs parent is almost impossible. I do not do it with grace. Sometimes I don't have time to shower or brush my teeth. Sometimes I don't eat till 3:00 in the afternoon. Sometimes I snap when offices of just about any type call me. Sometimes I glare at people without realizing it. I will let you in on something though... my kids never know I am having a hard time. They do not know I am stressed or pushed to the limit. I keep going and I never give up. As much as I rant and rave that we are not accepted fully, I know in my heart that we may never be and I will make sure the kids understand that it is not their fault.
Also, this is my Blog. I open myself up to it so that I can let people in for a look at our lives and my thoughts. It is not required reading for anyone. I do not regret blogging, because I have received dozens of emails from people thanking me for reaching out. That alone, along with the stress release is so helpful for me. I like knowing that I am helping even one parent out there open up to the people around them.
Just so you know... it is 3:29 PM now. Another strange looking number :)
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