Walked in the front door tonight and immediately removed my bra. It was just that kind of day.
Sometimes I honestly wonder if I have lost that "social butterfly" chip that I once had. Seriously now, take today for example. I dropped Melissa and the kids off at the therapy department and decided I would go run a few errands. Almost like a "Mommy Spa Trip", but without the amenities... or the spa treatments... or even the relaxation in my case.
First stop was the grocery store. As I am walking around, looking at all of the goodies and pushing around a kid-free cart, I notice one of the workers starts following me nonchalantly. At first I am wondering if maybe I dropped something? Then I wonder if something is going on with my clothes? Already Melissa informed me my shirt was on inside out and I had already fixed it, but was something else on wrong? Umm, no. So then I start wondering if she thinks I am shoplifting. I decide I am being ridiculous and paranoid so I go along on my merry way. After two more aisles, she grabs a box of crackers off of the shelf and in an accusing voice asks me if I put them there. I look at her in shock. What I want to say to her is, "WTF yo! You have been following me for the last fifteen minutes! You know those Saltines aren't mine!"
What I actually say is, "Umm, no. But I bought some soup so I guess I should say thank you for finding them for me." Chuckle chuckle chuckle. I am feeling cunning at this point and her pinched up face proves to me I just totally scored.
So I snag the crackers and head on. The next aisle over I notice she is still following me. After a few minutes she grabs a bag of chips someone has stashed by the toilet paper. "Excuse me, did you put these here?" I look at her to see if she is joking. Oh boy, she is not. At this point I am trying not to laugh as I say as absolutely politely as I can that no I did not. I walk around her and keep going. I feel every tiny ounce of patience and composure that I brought with me to town slowly slipping away. All I need to do is make it through the last aisle and I can go on to the next store.
As I am in the dairy section trying to decide which yogurt to try with the kids, the lady walks up to me with a box of donuts and asks me if I put them down with the eggs. Oh that was fucking it. I whip around and flip a tit. "What is your fucking problem???" I yell in my super angry "mom on the edge" voice. "You have been stalking and harassing me in this store since I walked in! Back off!" I hear the sound of a male cackle and notice another worker is doubled over. The lady turned a mottled angry red and stomped away as the man asked if I would like the manager. I know this man and we visit every time I come into their store. He knows me as a friendly type of lady who talks too much and smiles an excessive amount. He has never seen me crabby or impolite so his next words knocked me on my rear.
"I was hoping you were going to punch her in the teeth!"
Oh jeez. Nice impression, Rachel.
I told him I didn't want him to call the manager, nor did I want to smear her and that all I wanted to do was get the heck out of the store. He made it happen in a total of 5 minutes.
As I started up old Goldie, I just thought about the other errands I wanted to run and caboshed every one of them. I steered straight for the therapy department and stomped through the doors. I flopped my butt down on a cushy seat and Melissa looked at me and then the clock. She totally knew. "What happened?" she asked. These are the moments I feel as if life sets me up for failure. I am going to have to tell this story out loud and every word I speak is going to make me feel more ridiculous.
A lot like I felt the previous week when she sent me to the library to have some "me" time and I came back after 20 minutes. While I had been there, a bunch of elderly people had arrived and they kept staring at me. At the time I thought I was going to flip out because they were everywhere and they were all staring at me with their elderly person eyes. Well then when I had to recant the story to Melissa... well let's just say I felt ridiculous and immature. Just the universes way of flipping me the bird once again.
So anyways, I tell Melissa my story and needless to say, I felt dumb. Melissa on the other hand basically stated that this is the life of Rachel. I for some reason cannot have good social interactions. I sat there and fumed and realized I was basically pouting about getting harassed in a grocery store.
She then presented me with a chocolate chip scone she had bought me. Sheer happiness.
Then I came home and told my Keith my terrible and dramatic grocery store story. Then my mom. Then Lydia. Then I decided I needed to blog about it.
I still feel just as ridiculous now as I did telling Melissa in the clinic.
I do not know why I have lost my knack for social graces, nor do I know how. All I do know is that every day is some sort of strange life adventure and I will just have to keep telling everyone the outcomes.
*wink*
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