Bittersweet Sacrifice

Have you ever knowingly done something for the benefit for someone else, knowing it would have a negative effect on your life?  I can honestly say I have now.

This past Winter, my family went though a large rough patch (I am sure you remember) and we were helped out in many different ways, by many different people.  We were shown such an abundance of support, that I decided that when we got back on our feet (which we now have), I would pay all of the help we received forward.

So over the last few weeks, I have been slowly trying to spread the love in whichever area needs in most.  Fundraising, advocacy, a helping hand, moral support... I have been trying to basically stay on top of things happening in my community, and just help out in whatever way I can.

Let me tell you, it has been feeling great.

One of the things I have been helping out in, hit close to home, and I found myself in the midst of a hard decision.  I needed to delve in much deeper then I had initially thought I was going to have to, and the outcome could be detrimental.  If I were not to step in, the person I was helping would ultimately suffer.  If I were to step in, a major part of my childrens lives could suffer.

I pondered on not knowing what to do for weeks.  I had to weed through all of the ups and downs I was feeling, and I finally reached the conclusion that the right thing to do would be to step in to try and help out with the task at hand.

I was nervous as I began my pursuits.  I knew that the only sort of personal satisfaction I would feel, would be the knowledge that help would no longer be needed.

It took many conversations with many different people to finally get things lined up and to get every duck in it's semi-perfect row, but there was still one last conversation to have.

I knew that this was the one that could change everything.  I feared it wouldn't, but I know it could.

I made that contact and it took one sentence for the world to crash around me.  It was a beautiful sentence, and I will never regret saying it, because I will never regret speaking the truth.

But with the sentence that was spoke, I knew the day had come that my children lost yet another "fan" since the day they were diagnosed with Special Needs.

What I said was not negative in any way towards my children, but rather described what many do not see when they look at them.

Between you and I, my children are the Sun and the Moon, the Heavens and the Earth.  There is no greater blessing I could have been given, then my precious children.

My decision means I will have to work even harder to make them feel more secure.  I will have to be MORE and do MORE, and I am frankly OK with that.  I am OK with being the hyper, over achieving, smothering parent I need to be in order to make them feel completely and utterly loved.

What cements my utter OK-ness, you ask?

Knowing that there will come a day when they will hopefully be proud of the sort of parent they have, and will want to follow in my footsteps.  Hoping they see that in the conditional sort of situation I was in, I chose the path where good was laid out generously instead of selfishly accepting something that was never truly ours.

I hope my story helps guide you if you are ever in a "rock and a hard place" situation such as this.  In my opinion, swallow the rock and help the other person out of the hard place.  You may ultimately have a rock in your gut, but at least you know you didn't leave someone behind to suffer alone.

Love,
Rachel