Reminisce

Fall of 2008 was a super tough season for our family. We were struggling with this tiny sickly baby who wouldn't eat, was diagnosed with "Failure to Thrive", hypotonia and possible Global Developmental Delays. I was scared beyond belief. Then when Bo was about four months old, Keith was told he would be deploying after Christmas. My world literally crashed!!! I panicked at the thought of figuring this all out solo. We decided that during the deployment, I would come home to MN and have a Tubal Ligation. We knew at that point that the road ahead was going to be impossible. We were both scared, because we both knew so little about individuals with Special Needs. So the decision was made.

The decision fell through.

Days before the deployment, we discovered we were expecting.

Precations were made, but this was happening... it was really happening.

At this point, Gage was only two years old and Bo was six months old (although he was more like a one month old). The day Keith deployed, was one of the hardest in my life. I sat in that crowd of people with my husband and I felt like I was dying. I kept thinking of what the next 12 months was going to be like for our family. We couldn't even look at each other, we were both so incredibly close to collapsing. He asked me to leave before he had to get on the bus, and walking away that day is still one of the hardest things I have ever done. Knowing it could be one of the last times I saw the love of my life, I just cannot describe...

Over the next few months if it had not been for my Army Wife friends, I would have drowned. They helped me with the kids for my prenatals (I was an extremely high-risk preganant gal) and my other appointments. They did my shopping for me. They cooked for me. My mom flew down whenever she could to help me. Gage was having major problems, Bo was struggling, I was just trying to keep everyone alive at that point. I would like to say I am being dramatic, but I am not. Lydia spent 24 awful hours on a Greyhound to help me drive to MN with the kids. I rarely got to speak with my husband and I couldn't keep up with Bo's doctors. I finally got up to MN so I could spend my third trimester up here and give birth, and I was able to hook up with our current Pediatrician.

Through the midst of this all, I was told by two OB/GYN's that no one would blame me if I wanted to have an abortion. Once during my first trimester and next in my second trimester. For me it was not an option. I just felt like this little girl was our last puzzle piece. I am a woman who supports being Pro-Choice, but that choice was not right for me.

After Miss Cote greeted the world, life went crazy. I did get that Tubal Ligation ;) but in the process I also got a nasty infection that spread like wildfire all through my body. I ended up with five grand-mal seizures and a nasty month-long recovery.

Keith made it home on Christmas Eve 2009. Gage was 3, Bo was 1 and Cote was 4 months. This was the first time he got to see, hold or kiss her. It was beautiful and pretty much the best Christmas gift I have ever received.

Two weeks later Cote was diagnosed with hypotonia and Developmental Delays. I do not regret any of it. I do not regret the BC failure, nor keeping the pregnancy. She has been a joy, a riot and a dream come true. I cannot imagine a day without her. I truly think she is one of the main reasons I got through that deployment. I couldn't allow myself to get too stressed. In some ways, I think she saved us all.

She was our missing puzzle piece. Now we are complete.


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Above are a few pics. The first two are my first kiss with my husband. Literally. we were married by double proxy during his first deployment. We grew our relationship out of conversations, emails and love letters. That kiss is our first, within his first hours on American soil.

The third picture is one that was taken of us while we were waiting for him to leave on his second deployment. You can imagine how I was feeling at that time.

The last two were taken at his homecoming!!! Keith's first time laying eyes on his baby princess!!!